It’s Never To Late

I’m 28. I’ve been 28 for 5 days. I’m 28. For the past few days I’ve been asking myself what did I do with my time, where did it go? Who am I? What have I become? Have I accomplished anything I’ve wanted to do? In high school everyone asks, “Where do you see yourself in 10 years?” . My answer was the same every time because I KNEW what I wanted to be and who I was.

I’ll have at least 3 kids. Have my Master’s in Education (possibly Special Education). Be a 2nd grade teacher. Be married. 28 will be the best year of my life.

So far, I’m married. I’ve been married for 5 years. Married to the most wonderful man I could every have the opportunity to be married to, and that’s it. I started to get a little down, a little depressed, a little ‘my life isn’t what it’s supposed to be’. I didn’t finish school. I don’t have children (yet), and other things that I thought I would be I’m not. Then I took a good hard look at myself and realized that although I’m not what I wanted to be, or what I thought I would be - I am me. People know what I like, they know who I am. I realized I would be turning 28 soon, and everyone says it’s their magical year - at first I thought it wouldn’t be mine - because I’m not where I wanted to be when I hit 28. Then after talking with a good friend I realized - I can make my 28 the best year I’ve ever had. And that means stepping up and taking control of my life and becoming what I thought I would be and who I want to be.
So instead of New Year’s, I’m using my birthday calendar year. I will become stronger and better. I will become more dedicated to bettering myself, more dedicated to the church, more dedicated to being a wife (I’m still figuring that out) - it doesn’t help that we’ve only lived together about 25 months out of 5 years. It’s never too late - even though I feel like I ‘wasted’ the past 10 years - I have learned lessons, I have grown, and I have become more me. Now it’s time to let the inner me shine through - be strong and stop letting my life pass me by. Here’s to my 28th year, a year of changes and a year of growth. Everyday will be better than the one before it, and I choose to make it that way.
Enjoy everyday to it’s fullest, and push yourself to be the strongest and best possible version of you that you can be.

When people try to excuse themselves by saying, “That’s just the way I am,” I say, “That’s not who you are. That’s what you have chosen to be. What do you believe you could become?” With the power of the Holy Ghost, you can become whatever you want that is good and right in God’s sight. We can become what we should become. It’s about enduring. It’s about deciding what you want to be and working for it. -Don Clarke

My Life Journey - In A Nutshell

Inspired by this post today I thought I would do my own who am I and how did I become to be the one behind this blog. So enjoy! I know others have been inspired to do this as well so here is a MckLinky to include your site as well!

I was born in the fall of 1983 to two parents (who are terrific) in a midwestern state when Ronald Reagan was president on the national deficit was only 1371 Billion Dollars.

At an early age of my parents noticed that my thumbs didn't operate as they should have and this caused me to have the very first surgery when I was 3 in 1986 - I remember getting a bear dressed in a 'hospital gown' with it's thumbs bandaged and I got to wear bread sacks over my arms when bathing... I hated it the tape would stick to my skin sometimes and hurt... but I can now operate my thumbs fully and still see the scars from the removal of my 'tendon tubes'.

From 1986 - 1991 is kind of a blur as I don't remember things very well (thanks mom). However I do know that I got a dog named Fauxie she was a wonderful German Shepard who apparently liked me too much that she would lovingly attack my parents when they came near me so she had to go when we moved to Georgia in 1991 and I was baptized into our church that year and began to grow in the Gospel of Christ.

At the age of 9 in 1992 I became a big sister to Boog. It was awful, I wrote a letter to the doctor asking to take her back. She was extremly collicy and would cry for hours days and it was horrible, especially because everything she cried I would cry because I felt bad for her - and nothing helped her. By the time I got used to her...

My brother 'Bud' was born in the fall of 1994 . He was a much better baby. And I had finally gotten used to not being the only child (my parents will tell you otherwise).

In 1995 I met my best friend 'Jiffy' {can you tell I like nicknames?} and began competitive shooting. My mother went to every practice and every match and never missed one, this includes my whole time competing except for college. Then the Olympic Bombing happened in Atlanta in 1996 {which I won't forget} and American Gymnasts brought home gold.

In April 1999 I brought home Minnie - our now only 'child' and was finishing up my Freshman year of highschool and my first year of being on the HS Rifle Team {bang bang not spin spin}. And was looking forward to a great career in shooting.

In 2000 our team took the State Championship I came in third individually.

In 2001 and 2002 I was the State Individual Champion {funny story about the 2002 championship, I might write about at a later date}. And was looking forward to coaching shooting camps that summer and starting my first year of college at West Virginia University and competing collegiality {heard all the jokes no need to share}. It was this year that I learned a lot about myself, God, and what was truly important in life. They cut the team from NCAA funding at WVU so I didn't go back for a second year or finish.

It was in 2003 after returning home from college without a school to go back to that I fell in love with office work. I enjoyed being an Association Executive and loved all that that entailed. It was the summer I had 7 jobs at the same time and was saving up to serve an 18-month mission for the LDS church.

August 7, 2007 I began dating Mr. B. I gave him a ride to go purchase his Cruiser and we hit it off and apparently have never looked back. We fell in love and then in December of that year I left him waiting faithfully for me for 19 months. He traveled around while I was serving the Lord in Kansas and Colorado.

I came home in July 2006 my family moved to NV and we were married September 16th of that year and began living our lives together.

2007 brought a couple of big changes for me, it was the first time in my life that I have been without something to do; job, school, friends, etc. And Mr. Bs job brought us 2,400 miles from my home to my new residence in the Sunshine State. I found a new job and love it. And I started my blog to keep up with other family members but also somewhat as an outlet and journal of my life.

It's 2009 and I miss shooting more than can be explained or understood except by those who can't do something they truly love anymore. In the beginning of this year I picked up a camera differently and got a copy of Photoshop and am really excited about finding a new love, something that I can do that brings me happiness and slightly fills the void left by not shooting anymore. I hope to start going back to school soon for Photography and Digital Imaging, and one day when I'm good enough help others capture the sweet morsely moments of their lives to keep and cherish forever.

Mr. B and I have been married for almost 3 years and have been trying for a family for the last 18 months. I stay busy as an office manager during the day and TV watcher, photo editing, soon to be student at night and Mr. B, well, he works...A LOT. So it's usually just me and Minnie and sometimes my good friends out here in this crazy place where it doesn't rain.

That's me in a nutshell, well at least everything I could remember. I'm sure there is more, like I have a piece of the Berlin Wall the size of a silver dollar my Grandma brought back for me that has a bullet in it and a yellow smiley face {the wall not the bullet}. That I'm wisdom tooth free and really want a chocolate lab. I'm super baby hungry and miss my brother and sister like crazy and wish I lived closer to see them grown up. I'm enjoying my life minute by minute and enjoying {trying to enjoy} all the trials and challanges that the Lord has in store for us in our lives.

Hair History

Here is my hair history so far this year...

Christmas Shopping

A fellow blogger was in Atlanta recently and posted a picture of the tree at the Ritz. It really hit home and caused me to be a little homesick, I miss the week before Christmas of riding MARTA to the city and walking to Macys and the Hardrock Cafe in downtown, the city all decorated with Christmas, wherever you looked. We would then go to a good friend of ours' Law Office and have Hot coca and cookies. Shopping, singing, and having a wonderful time. All the buildings have trees on them i.e. Macy's, Rich's, etc.Just seeing the Christmas spirit everywhere there, and here I live in a place where they don't decorate hardly anything. The most decorated anything I have seen are a few sparse houses and apartment patios (mine included) as well as the Borders store.

I did have a good evening shopping tonight I finished buying all of Mr. B's presents, I hope he likes them. I couldn't think of anything super spectacular to get for him. But I enjoyed shopping and buying him things that I know he will enjoy. I probably bought too many, oh well. During part of my outing I received a free gift for a certain amount of a purchase. They are beautiful, hand blown glass candle holders, it was that or a robe, of course I chose the candle holders, so then I had to go buy candles to put on the holders!
I can't leave out that this morning I had a vain moment. I loved how my hair looked so I took pictures of myself, yet again, and they are as follows:

This is me.

Who am I? What do I want to accomplish? What are my dreams? What are my fears? What do I like and dislike? Where do I want to go with my life?

Is it sad that I am 24 years old, and am just now figuring these things out? I need to make a list of questions and answer them one by one, if you have any questions I could ask myself that would help, please let me have em...

I do know some things about myself, but some I do not and I want to. So starting off with the things I do know....

1. I am a strong believer in my faith and religion.
2. I am married to the most wonderful man in the world, Douglas.
3. My favorite color is lavender, I like to throw in pink and lime green into the mix sometimes.
4. Vanilla is my favorite flavor of ice cream, I've tried to like all other flavors but vanilla is it.
5. I don't like chips not Doritos, Lays, Ruffles with ridges, Pringles, Tostillas... nadda zip none.
6. I love old sappy dumb romance movies, the ones that always make you cry no matter how many times you watch it.
7. I don't like any flavors of pop, but I love the bubbles... so I prefer to drink sparkling mineral water or club soda instead.
8. I love cats and dogs, I prefer cats, but I love them both just the same.
9. Reading is possibly an obsession I have.
10. I want to be well schooled and knowledgeable in all aspects of life.
11. I wish I lived closer to my family I miss them more and more everyday.
12. I'm not a morning person no matter how much I want to be or try to be (and I have to be to work at 7am... what was I thinking?)
13. I love to have everything clean and organized and put away all the time to the point it drives me crazy, including those around me.
14. I want a place of my own where I can paint the walls and decorate and know that it's mine.
15. I need to learn how to give more and be less selfish.
16. I want to go to Disneyland/Disneyworld.
17. I want to make our own family traditions for every holiday.
18. I am scared of Earthquakes.
19. I am scared of losing my husband.
20. I am frightened at the sight of a spider or the sound of a rat.
21. I don't like being alone.
22. I want to have a cabin in the mountains, to escape from the world.
23. I want to learn as many instruments as I can (viola, french horn, organ, cello, violin, flute, harp...etc.)
24. I love praying
25. I miss shooting.
26. I make mistakes.
27. I have had the same wish since I was 7 for every birthday, eyelash, "11:11", and running under red lights, etc.
28. I have a horrible memory.
29. I love my job.
30. I want a big family.
31. I want to run a marathon.
32. I want to go to Europe to live for a couple of years.
33. I wish I could have fresh flowers in my house everyday, all year round.
34. I love lillies and gerber daises.
35. I enjoy my dreams.
36. Writing is a passion that I lost awhile ago and wish I could get back.
37. I love it when Douglas says I love you until I smile when I'm mad.
38. I love candles.
39. I buy movies way too much and never have time to watch them.
40. I like curling my hair.
41. I don't like vacuuming.
42. I could mindlessly watch TV for hours, maybe days.
43. I don't like McDonald's, but I like Burger King and Wendy's
44. I don't like french fries, not even curly fries.
45. I always take a bite of whatever my husband is eating, even when I know it bothers him.
46. I wish I could play video games better than I do.
47. I want to take cooking lessons, but maybe I should enjoy cooking first..?
48. I want to be the perfect wife, but I fail miserably at it.
49. I don't like claymation or cartoons.
50. I love music: Country, Rock, and Instrumental.
51. I remember everything except the things I need to.
52. I wish I had been more energetic when Douglas proposed.
53. I wish I had a secret spot to go to to think and write.
54. I love asparagus, but I hate how it smells.
55. I don't like cookies.
56. I thought I didn't like Macaroni and Cheese or Peanut Butter but recently learned that I do.
57. I'm a sucker for early 90's sappy romantic love songs: I used to tape "Delilah" and listen to it, I know pathetic.
58. I sleep better on the ground floor and North to South.
59. I want to be a photo editor.
60. I want to read 250 books next year.
61. I want to go to the temple at least 52 times a year (which seems so small considering there are so many days in the year)
62. I smile on my way to work every morning even when I'm having a bad day.
63. I always want people to feel better and do my best to make that happen.
64. I love chapstick.
65. I want to watch the sunset from a blanket on the beach.
66. I want to take random romantic weekend trips.
67. I want to learn to be "homemakery". ie. sewing, cooking, quilting, scrapbooking.
68. I want to learn to dance more dances.
69. I love shoes but I hate wearing them.
70. I don't like being sick.
71. I've always wanted to collect something but it's too clutterly and drives me crazy.
72. I'm scared of being not good enough for (insert thing here)
73. I love football and basketball.
74. I yell at the teams on TV when no one is around.
75. I like being happy.
76. Blankets are the best thing ever invented.

That's all I have for tonight, if anyone has anything they would like to add, please let me know.

Life

I can't promise that this will be my last entry for today as I have a lot on my mind lately and I'm not quite sure how to put it into words. I found a picture that I have made my goal picture in the whole scheme of becoming healthy again. I look at this and remember where I once was; resting heart rate in the low to mid 50s, 113lbs, 4.2%BMI, 5% Body Fat... etc. I won't even go to where I am now. I know I'll never be in that good of shape again because I'm not in training but nevertheless, anything would be better than now. So in reference to the title, life. Life is a fascinating thing. There are times when I really feel I have control over everything than there are others where I feel like everything is falling apart, that is how I feel right now. So many things going on that I can't even begin to write about. I was reading Julia's entry from her birthday where she was recounting parts of her life and this part really stood out to me and made me think:

"I found my self looking back at my life and thinking about where I am right now, and it wasn’t a purely pleasant experience. Many thoughts and emotions filled my head and my heart. At first I struggled, to recognize Gods hand and His plan in the events of my life; for it is nothing like I had once thought and even hoped it would be."

She goes on to say so strongly how she can see Gods Hand so clearly in her life and I want that. As I pondered on that and how much I want it the thought, "You have it and you know that you do so stop looking for what is already in front of you." It hit me so powerfully I can't even describe it. All this time I feel like I have been looking for something then the realization came that I have had it all along. The feelings, thoughts, directions. Just the little things that happen, and just as Julia stated above it doesn't happen the way we hoped it would be, but our Father in Heaven/God/Supreme Being no matter what you believe or how you came to believe it, He knows us for what and who we are and how we will recognize His hand in our lives. This is a song that really describes me:

Face lost in a crowd; Feet wondering empty streets
Voice crying outloud; Heart aching with every beat
Someone searching, searching for someone
Everywhere and endlessly
Wishing waiting; Could there be someone searching for
Someone Searching?
Soul battered and bruised; Pride wounded and left for dead
Ears deaf to good news; Eyes tear-drenched and sleepless red
Someone searching, searching for someone
Everywhere and endlessly
Wishing waiting; Could there be someone searching for
Someone Searching?
I hear the cries and I know the pain
Can it be denied, that everyone has been and will be
Someone Searching?
Love standing alone; Hands scarred by the nails of hate
Hope suffering long; Faith urging that it's not too late
Someone searching, searching for someone
Everywhere and endlessly
Wishing waiting; Could there be someone searching for
Someone Searching?
Loving and longing, always there is someone searching for
Someone Searching.

Her lyrics always get to me she is wonderful. I do write I have had a few things published and have always wanted to get into song writing I haven't had the time recently to even think, I always have too much to do (not including all the books I need to read). Maybe I'll sit down someone in the upcoming holidays to dink around a bit.

I do know that I have a Heavenly Father who loves me, and I feel as though I can honestly say that. Yes I do struggle and feel alone but every morning when I drive to work and see all the beauty (yes there is beauty in SF) around me, how can I not know?

It is truly a wonderful sight. Life is rough and difficult but everyday there is a reason to live and do our best to become the person we desire to be and to be the person our God knows we can be.
"The purpose of life, after all, is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experiences." ~Eleanor Roosevelt

"One’s purpose in life has an overriding influence on what he does with his time, energy, and resources. Without this sense of purpose, life has no compass."

Becoming the leading lady in my life

It's been awhile since I have done anything in the form of: online journaling, blogging, chatting, etc... Mainly because I was on a mission, then got married, then moved across the country, then fighting severe anxiety and some depression. But first and formost this blog will be a place to express who I really am as a person. Right now I might be using is as a health blog as well. In highschool I weighed 115lbs, then in college I put on a typical 30 so I wasn't that bad... but then I became depressed, I didn't do anything, I didn't go anywhere, I ate and ate and ate and ate. So my goal in the next however long it takes is to accomplish it will be to lose up to but not limited to 100 pounds. I look in the mirror and I disgust myself. And I have finally found the footing to do something about it, in the form of Spinning/Pilates. I can't wait to start, which I already did my pilates tape this morning. It feels good...

Enough of that. I have a few friends here in my new state, which is terrific, the 3 lovely ladies know who they are. Other than that life is going great, Doug and I's one year anniversary will be in September, and we'll be sealed, I'm way excited! I have my life back on track from college and where I once was. I'm a completely different person know, I still can't spell, but other than that... I have new likes, new things that I am learning that I like that I have never known before. New things are happening in my life, and it's about time that I jump in and enjoy it!