Patience and Hope

It’s been on my mind a lot lately. I’ve written this post a gazillion times. I’ve deleted  this post a gazillion times. I’ve drafted it many times. This is my little piece of the world. This is my little place to let it out, have my say, be me. So today is more of Thursday Feelings / Emotions / Get It Off my Chest.

I want to be a mother. I’m preparing every day to be a mother. I know everything is in the Lords timing, I need to have faith - be patient - do my part and one day it will happen, I’ll be able to bring home a beautiful child and begin the journey of being a mother, but until then my heart aches whenever I think about becoming a mother, I can literally feel it yearning with the desire and the hope that one day, one day I’ll have the dream. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I pray so hard that Heavenly Father will bless us with children, but most importantly I have faith always, that in time, we will be blessed with the honor and privilege of having children.

I want to be a mother. I love children. I love holding children. I love playing with children. I love being with children.

I say I want but really what I feel is the need to be a mother.

As I keep striving to be a better wife; striving to keep a house of order; striving to become a better me - one day I hope I’ll have the opportunity to strive to raise children in righteousness.

But I know that this depends on me, I’ve never really wrote about it but maybe it’s time to - I know that having children depends on me and what I’m willing to do. I need to become healthier. I need to focus on exercise and healthy food choices. Which I've been doing well on the food choices. I haven’t had soda in almost a month. I have had 2 Dr. Peppers, because I didn’t think I could do it or I had a bad day and I deserved it. I have since learned that that is the most ridiculous reason(s) I’ve heard myself say. I’m learning that I can do this and I do deserve this. I’ve lost 9 pounds so far, and I’m going to keep going - I have to, so that one day. I can be a mother to a precious child.

I will be a mother, one day.

”Patience is waiting. Not passively waiting. That is laziness.

But to keep going when the going is hard and slow - that is patience”

 

This life is hard and slow, but we must keep going, keep striving, and keep being positive. But there are so many rewards at the end as long as we stay positive, firm, and patient.

So I will be positive, firm, and patient full of hope and faith and I will make better choices everyday, continue to pray and I’ll be a mother one day.